I will not feel guilty for doing what's right

I have to keep telling myself this. Today, I failed to consider the reprecussions when I sought out some advice. Even though I truly believe I did the right thing (legally, I know I did), I put someone in an awkward position - in a sense, called someone out.

I thought life was returning to more of a normal, but now I feel horrible. If anyone knows of any good jobs out there, please let me know. I think I might need a new one soon. :(

I need to remind myself that taking the easy road is simple; it's the high road that often becomes too steep for people. Even though I feel uncomfortable because I know I forever altered an important working relationship, I did the right thing - I can't always say that, which is why I think it is difficult to grasp. I certainly wish I would have handled the situation differently, but I must move on. I have too much joy to waste another day or hour or minute.

My moment of panic

Last week was difficult. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was so relieved. I had survived a very busy work week and completed a big group project in my online class. I was looking forward to taking the kids to a birthday for our friends' son, Lennon.

We went and had a fun time. On the way home, I stopped by a grocery store to pick up a few things. After we checked out and went the car, I first loaded in Colt then the groceries then my purse and keys. Emma tried to climb into the driver's seat and I got her out of there so we could walk around and buckle her in. As I closed the driver's side door, I heard the click. I locked the keys in the car ... along with my baby ... and my phone ... and wallet.

I must have looked very pacicked. The nice young couple who had been in line behind us at the checkout had parked nearby. She saw me as she was getting into her car, and she asked me if everything was okay. I told her no with tears in my eyes. She handed me her phone and I dialed one of very few numbers I know by heart (stupid reliance on cell phones). I knew Denny wouldn't answer a call from a strange number ... I just didn't know what else to do.

My hero kind samaritan then looked up a towing company. I called and told them my plight and we waited. Much to my relief, Colt was sound asleep. The tow truck arrived pretty quickly and we were rescued. That was definitely $40 we could have gone without spending, but I was so relieved at the kindess of others. The tow company really hustled knowing I was a worried mom.

Sometimes even crummy moments like that are healthy reminders that everything is going to okay. Life will never go the way we want it to at every moment, but it is important to maintain perspective and roll with the hits - big and small - for as long as we can.

On the mend

So, I challenged myself to write three or four times a week and then I went missing! Want to know what happened? I had a rough week ... not just me, though. Colt Buddy got a cold ... and as it got worse, he stopped sleeping. He tried to sleep, but this sweet, sad little whimper persisted to come out from him. So, I didn't sleep either. And after one night of that, I made sure Denny didn't sleep either. In hindsight, I should have just let Denny sleep. It would have saved some tension. I hope I remember that for next time.

To top it off, I had a big group project due in my class, and we have several big deadlines looming at work. Last week was just very stressful, and the fact that I survived it was just short of a miracle.

For the record, Colt had an ear infection. They discovered it three days after his initial trip to his doctor's office. The doctor who diagnosed him told me that sleep problems are often a better indicator of an ear infection than little tykes pulling on their ears. Good to know!

Colt is on the mend and I am, too. I had some good cries; said many prayers and my happy little world is back in order. I hope I am able to cope better with the next challenging week.

I promise to write better posts soon!

100 posts and a new challenge

I was a little surprised to see that I only recently reached post number 100. This blog has existed for quite some time, so that's a little embarrassing. Unfortunately, I can’t go back in time and document more, but I can control the future! Well, my future, anyway.

My goal for the next year is to write 100 posts … that shouldn’t be too hard. I just need to post every three or four days. I look forward to documenting more of my children’s lives. I can’t believe how fast they are both growing, and I don’t want to forget any of it!

So that is my goal. I will check back on Nov. 2, 2013, to see if I actually accomplished it. I think I will.  

Halloween 2012

For Halloween, Emma wanted to be a witch - a mean witch! It was fun to let her pick what she wanted to be this year. Colt was a little monster. It was a costume I had picked up over the summer at a garage sale, so it worked out great!

We went trick-or-treating in Addison for a little while. It was so cold, but I bundled Colt in a blanket, and Emma wore her dressy purple coat, which matched her costume. We then headed to Debbie's and then on to Dennis' to finish the evening.

It was a fun day!

Gloomy day, gloomy mood

I haven’t blogged in so long because life, overall, is great and busy. I have so many things I am thankful for, I really do, but today I just feel gloomy.

It’s always hard to take a long road trip—both physically and mentally—but this one was the worst … hopefully of all time. By no means does that mean I will never go on another one, but I certainly need some time to recover.

As I reflect on the two moments that made me feel slightly betrayed and completely protective, I am floored. I hope I never hurt someone I love in that way. Words really do cut deep, and I know I am an overly emotional person, but even the toughest skin would not have withstood those blows. OK, maybe I am being a little dramatic, but I am just gloomy.

I wish I could be with my babies at their Halloween party today instead of at work. I hate the fact that Denny and I continue to work hard, and I am still constantly stressed out about money. I know it will pass … we are working so hard to make this time pass, but it is hard.

I think that’s all. Now that I look at it, it doesn’t seem so bad. But, the pit is still there.

This, too, shall pass.

Jenny's wedding

After many long anticipated and fun months of planning, Jenny and Aaron got married on June 2, 2012. It was a windy day (a lot like my own, actually). It was so wonderful to see my beautiful sister and best friend exchange vows with her soul mate. Jenny and Aaron really are perfect, and their day was pretty perfect, too.

The ceremony was so windy that Jenny's veil (which was very well fastened into her hair) kept whipping all around her face. Some memorable pictures were taken thanks to it. After the ceremony and pictures, we ate. I cried like a baby, but made it through my speech. I had to go from memory because I left my notes at home, but it turned out okay. I hope I was able to articulate how special she is to me.

Afterward, we danced until the wee hours and then went home and crashed. It was so special to see some special people for the weekend. Joe, Kelly and the kids of course came up, but so did two of Jenny's good friends from Baton Rouge. They were so sweet picking up flowers and doing some of the smaller, detail work. It was just a perfect wedding and a perfect start to a great life for Mr. and Mrs. Seagraves.

Nine glorious hours & conversations with a 2-year-old

Sleep appears to be the cure for a sour attitude toward pumping and life in general. Last night Colt slept for nine hours straight. This isn't the first time he has slept that long, but it was during the best possible hours - from 9:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. I actually woke up from an alarm clock for the first time in many weeks.

This morning, I happily got up and pumped before I got ready. Everything just went so much smoother!

Sleep also worked wonders for Emma. After a rough morning yesterday, she was back to her cheerful self this today. On the way to daycare this morning, she told me a little story about an egg. It went something like this:

E: Mommy, I saw an egg.
M: You did? Where?
E: In the pine cone tree. It was a goose's egg.
M: It was?
E: Yeah and then the mommy came and took it away from the pine cone tree.

I think the conversation was longer, but I can't remember all the details. Mostly, I just love that she kept saying pine cone trees. She loves pine cones. Last night, I stepped on one in our living room. Emma will not come into the house without a pine cone or a walnut or a flower or something. She is definitely her daddy's little girl - nature lover.

Have I mentioned how perfect my babies are?

Exhaustion + Breastfeeding

I realized this morning that the most exhausting part of my day seems to be just getting out the door in the morning with both kids dressed, as I carry my purse (filled with an ipad, books for my class and lunch), pump, and diaper bag on one arm and Colt (in his heavy car seat) in the other ... as I descend the 13 steps to the basement and out to the car.

I'm tired just thinking about it.

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m. to feed Colt. I then showered, pumped, found an outfit that fits, woke up Emma, got all of the bags ready to go ... and I still couldn't get out of the door until 7:09 a.m. I didn't do my hair or makeup, either.

Thank goodness this is just a phase. I know it will pass and life will become a breeze, but right now I am downright exhausted!

Last week, I also got frustrated with everything that breastfeeding exclusively entails. It's a lot of work to pump ... if I were home all day and could nurse exclusively, it would be different, but I have to plan my days around pumping, clean the pump, bag the milk, clean the pump, clean bottles, etc. Did I mention how exhausted I am?

My pity party is almost over. I am excited that I have made it (almost) three months breastfeeding, and I am hopeful to continue going as long as possible. I already have a quarter of a year under my belt. Hopefully, I can put my head down and press forward. I just need some more sleep.

Here are a few pictures my amazing sister-in-law, Alicia, has taken of the kids. I love them so much (both the kids and the photos)!

Colt is two months

Colt is already two and a half months old, but I am behind. I find that I am always behind ... there is never enough time, but all is well.

Colt is an excellent baby. He is just content most of the time. He does have moments when he wants to be held, but usually I can get things done around of the house if he has a clean diaper and full belly.

At his checkup, he weighed 14 pounds, 4 ounces and was 24.5 inches long. Both measurements place him in the 88th and 87th percentiles, respectively. He also had to get some shots, which he handled okay. His face turned so red, and I felt horrible, but he calmed down pretty fast and slept for quite a while afterward.

He loves to smile and "talk." Emma and I love to get close to his face and talk sweetly to him. I always call him Buddy and Emma has picked up on it. It is so adorable to hear her say, "Hi, Buddy! It's okay, Buddy!"

He is also a great sleeper most nights. He will sleep in 6-8 hour stretches and usually go right back to sleep after nursing on those rare nights that he wakes up.

He recently fell in love with his "Sophia" giraffe. I placed it in the swing with him one night when I was home alone and trying to get Emma in bed. I came out to find him sucking on one of the giraffe's nubs. He also loves the squeakiness of it.

He is just such a sweetheart! It's crazy to think that just a few months ago, I didn't know him yet. He fits in the family so perfectly!

Colt William Tison

We welcomed our sweet son, Colt William, on Monday, Feb. 27. I had a feeling earlier in the month that he might be a February baby, but as the month began to dwindle, I have doubts. The Friday before he was born, I came home from work and was having contractions. After a few hours, I decided to walk around the house to see if they would stop or intensify. They stopped and I was so relieved. I was just too tired to think about labor at that point!

The next day, I took it easy and just stayed at home. I had no contractions that day, so on Sunday, I decided to go grocery shopping for a little stock-up just in case it was my last chance. I had contractions while in Meijer, but nothing too major. I came home and thought about taking a nap, but decided I needed to clean the house before we went out to dinner that night. 

We went to JR's in Brooklyn to celebrate Travis and Chad's birthdays and then everyone came over to our house for cake and ice cream. We went to bed later than we wanted, but it was a nice evening. Around 2:30 a.m., I woke up to use the bathroom (this had become routine in later weeks of my pregnancy). I thought I had had an accident, so I was prepping to put on some new cloths, but when I stood up, a gush came out. I knew it was my water! 

I woke up Denny right away because I knew I was already dilated 3 centimeters and I didn't want to chance anything. I took a quick shower and as soon as Debbie got to the house, we took off. We got to the hospital around 4 a.m., they started pitocin around 8 because I wasn't progressing at all ...that is how the day continued ... every 30-60 minutes, they increased the pitocin. I didn't dilate any more until around 4 p.m. ... it was a long wait, but once things happened, it was fast!

I asked for an epidural and got it around 7:45 p.m., within minutes I felt like I had to push, so the nurse checked and said I was ready ... she got everyone in the room (Denny wasn't even back yet after they kicked him out for the epidural). I pushed for 10-15 minutes and he was born! I never even got to feel the best of the epidural ... oh well! :) I certainly can't complain because I wasn't in pain until around 4:30 p.m. ... so really it was a pretty fast labor in the end!

 

He weighed 7 pounds, 14 oz, and wad 21 ½ inches long … and everyone who looks at him comments on how big his feet are! I think he looks a lot like Emma did as a newborn minus the dark eye brows and eyelashes … maybe he will be more of a blondie!

Emma loves Colt! She keeps trying to play with him and loves to gently rub his head. As soon as she got to the hospital, she had to hold him. I am so proud of how well she is doing!

Colt shares a birthday with his Uncle Chad (Denny’s brother) and Uncle Jeremy (my brother). Oh, and I stayed true to my word and let Denny pick the name - Colt William! It has really grown on me and fits our sweet boy so well. We came home Wednesday and are doing well.

Emma's half birthday

Today Emma turns two and a half! We don't technically celebrate half birthdays, but maybe we should? I can't believe how the time has flown. She blows me away even though lately she has figured out how to push my buttons so easily. I am hoping that is more of an issue I am having with "no patience" during this pregnancy. It could also be that she is so smart. Even though I am her own mother, sometimes I forget that she is still so, so young. Yesterday, I had to keep reminding myself, "She is only two! She is only two!"

Lately, the biggest news for Emma is that she has been sleeping in her own room, alone. For the longest time, she would only sleep in there if Denny or I laid down with her ... then she got super clingy to just me. As this pregnancy has progressed, it has become more difficult for me to stay in bed, so Denny took charge and established a great bedtime routine for her. Sleep has always been an area where Emma has wanted to be touching me or in a tight space, so this is a big deal.

Another cute fact about Emma is that she has become super attached to a stuffed monkey - it's actually one that Aunt Alicia bought her at a garage sale this summer. She insisted on taking it shopping today, and she refused to leave him in the car. I was not in any type of mood to fight, so we brought him in to both Target and Meijer. To my surprise, Emma took great care of him the entire time. Right now, she is snuggled up with him sleeping.

Developmentally, I believe Emma is doing great! I don't know what milestones she should be reaching (I know, for shame!), but I know that her daycare providers are amazed by her progress in sign language and in identifying names. When I picked her up one day last week, they told me she grabbed a balloon (all the kids received heart-shaped balloons for Valentine's Day with their names on them), and said, "This isn't mine, it's Olivia's." She then did the same with Lilly's ... so maybe she is good at recongnizing letters or has a good memory! She can also count into the 20s and sing the entire alphabet song (along with many, many songs).

I wish I had a better report for potty training. The truth is, sometimes she does great and sometimes she doesn't. Just like the sleeping issue, I am trying to be patient to let her get it down on her own time. It's not easy when I think she has the skills and knowledge, but I know she will get it when she is ready.

Any day now, Emma will become a big sister, and any doubt that existed about her handling it well has completely vanished. She is excited and loves talking about brother and giving him kisses. I can't wait to see her with him.

She is still the greatest joy in our lives! Happy Half Birthday, Emma Claire!

Christmas 2011

Christmas was great! We were able to go to Indiana the weekend before Christmas to visit with my parents and attend the Maenhout family Christmas. Emma, of course, acted very shy at first, but then she came to life and had fun playing with second cousins. It was nice to see family we don't see very often.

For Christmas, my parents came up to Michigan. We celebrated with them on the Friday before since that worked best for Jeremy, but they stayed until Christmas morning. We were able to lounge around a lot, make cookies for Santa, attend mass and then watch Emma open presents on Christmas morning.

After my parents left, we headed to Debbie's for Christmas with her. We ended the day at Dennis' house. It was a busy, but great holiday. The two days following, I didn't leave the house!





Emma got a ton of pajamas - lots of Dora. She also got her first train set, a Rapunzel doll, dress-up clothes and shoes, puzzles, books, an art easel and I'm sure more that I am forgetting.

It was a wonderful holiday and the week afterward was also great! We did a lot of relaxing, but I also accomplished a few goals I wanted to accomplish before Baby Brother comes. I even took Emma to the treehouse for the first time. That was quite the experience! I was a nervous wreck watching all of the much bigger kids zoom down the slides and run full speed, but we survived and Emma enjoyed it!