Our daisy started girl scouts

I have been looking forward to this day ever since I found out we were having a girl. You see, Girl Scouts was a huge part of my early childhood. I have so many great memories of fun times—especially summer camp! I can’t wait for Emma to experience these fun times herself.

I am a bit of a slacker and don’t have any pictures from the kickoff meeting, but Emma was introduced along with the other three girls in her troop last Thursday. Her amazing leaders presented each girl with a pink daisy and a pin. I plan to buy Emma’s vest this week and her first official meeting is this week! She is excited, and so am I!

I will post a picture of her in uniform later this week!

Happy birthday, jackass!

That's me. I'm the jackass. Seriously. I do not like myself right now. You know how people wish you happy birthday on Facebook, and it's so nice and genuine? Well, I find myself wondering why so and so didn't wish me happy birthday. I mean clearly 72 messages weren't enough. And that doesn't even include the many texts, calls, emails and face-to-face wishes I received. So why do I care that a few if my friends didn't post a message?

I really feel so silly. I faked a lot of happiness today. Some moments were completely genuine, but today didn't really feel like my birthday. I didn't have that carefree air about me that I've become accustomed to over the years. I'm miserable. And if I could, I would slap myself or grab me by the shoulders and scream in my face, what is wrong with you??

I keep making resolutions to change; to be positive and not let small setbacks weigh me down. But, I always let those little annoyances get the best of me. I never dreamed I would spend the final minutes of my 33rd birthday crying myself to sleep.

At a loss

My heart feels so heavy. I keep resolving to be better, to not let stress, disappointment, frustration (you get the point) let me become someone I'm not--someone I dislike more than anyone else. It's hard to hate yourself or at least the "you" you've become, but that's where I'm at right now.

Instead of enjoying an afternoon with my kids, I became angry and frustrated and yelled. Now I want to read to them, hug them, give them the love they deserve, but they both fell asleep! Now I have a quiet house and I'm still not happy. What is wrong with me? How do I break free from this funk?

I'm trying to not lose hope. I'm trying to lean on God. I'm trying to always remember the positives. Nothing is working. When is OK to give up?

Never. Crap! I'm not sure how much more I can take.