... the goose is getting fat

Okay, boo hoo post is over. Christmas is five days away … and now, I am excited!

My family is coming in on Thursday … I will be so excited to get home and hug them and watch them play with Emma.

We are celebrating with my family in full force on Christmas Eve. Mass, dinner, presents … the works! It will be nice. Low key and great!

On Christmas morning, we will watch our sweetie open a few presents … I tried to purchase next to nothing, and I am happy to say the only extra gift I bought her was pajamas, which she needs. I know she is going to be spoiled by her aunts, uncles, grandparents … so from us (or Santa?), she is getting a slide (I purchased this a few months ago from my boss), doll, doll stroller, sled, two coloring books and crayons, a fleece and pajamas … that sounds like a lot now that I write it out, but we didn’t spend much.

Then, we are headed to Debbie’s in the morning and Dennis’ in the afternoon. I am hoping to convince my parents to stay until Sunday or longer. I have the entire week after Christmas off! That’s the best gift of all!

In preparation for it all …

On Saturday, I attempted to finish Christmas shopping with Emma. She was an angel for MOST of the time. She reached her breaking point while we were in Meijer. It was one of those moments … she was contorting her body, screaming, etc. Meanwhile, I was trying to push the cart, pay, get her coat on her and keep my cool! As soon as the vehicle started to move, she was out … she was so tired she was snoring. I love her so much!

It was one of those experiences that fellow parents can relate to … awful! Again, it makes me so thankful for a daughter who is usually content and well behaved!

Before the fiasco, she got her picture taken with Santa (I will have to upload it), and she smiled and all! I have just a few small items left to pick up, but I feel so much better about things.
Yesterday, I got a lot of cleaning done. There is still a lot to do before Thursday, but it is manageable.

When I wrote my last post, I was very overwhelmed and disappointed about missing a family gathering on mom’s side … I just hate saying no to things, but I am certainly not super human, and there really are only 24 hours in each day, so I did what I could, and I will try to be more prepared next year!

That’s my little justification for my meltdown!

Good riddance 2010

Near the end of 2009, so many people around me were complaining about what a crummy year it had been. I felt so left out. Kind of like when I used to play basketball … I always had my best game when we lost, so I couldn’t celebrate.

2009 was an amazing year! I became a mom and a homeowner … so many small miracles helped make both of those dreams of mine a reality. I was on Cloud 9.

Enter 2010 …

To start the year, I had a gallbladder attack. I then had surgery to remove my gallbladder in February.

Right before Emma’s baptism in February, my car broke down when we went to visit my dying grandmother. I also got sick that weekend, but the baptism was perfect. One high note!

In March, I lost my grandma. She was the only grandparent I had left … the only grandparent I had known for nearly 20 years.

To start off May, I became more sick than I have ever been in my life. I was vomiting, had two black eyes (not sure if that was from vomiting or a virus) and couldn’t keep anything down for days. After three trips to the doctor, it was determined that I had an uncommon virus, which eventually resulted in pneumonia. I missed two weeks … of life.

The year didn’t really get worse, but my attitude did. I felt unhappy despite the blessings all around me.

Today was one of worst I’ve had in a long time. I am not excited about Christmas. I feel like I have no control … like I’m failing those around me. I hope that’s not the case, but I can’t seem to shake this slum.

When this month comes to an end, I will welcome 2011 in all its glory. I will
strive to count my blessings every day. I will make sure I never feel this way again even if more unfortunate events happen seemingly all at once.

Wedding bells for Alicia and Luke

We have been planning and helping prepare for Alicia and Luke’s wedding for a long time. And the big day finally came on Saturday, Sept. 25! What a beautiful, fun and amazing time we all had! Alicia was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Seriously.

We are so happy for them and so honored that we all were able to be a part of their big day.

I remember when Alicia asked me to be in her wedding … to be her maid (matron sounds old) of honor. I was very shocked and very, very honored! See, Alicia has three brothers and no sisters, which is kind of sad. But, she grew up with several girl cousins, who are all amazing and very sisterly.

In the past year, I have come to realize that Alicia thinks of me as her true sister, and I have been touched beyond words. We have become very good friends, and that has been such an amazing gift!

She also asked if Emma could be the flower girl. I am not exaggerating when I say that Emma was only a few weeks old at the time. I had these early visions of Emma walking with long, beautiful curls and I would be thin.

Neither came true, but the joy and happiness we all anticipated was certainly evident. And Emma was a huge hit ... not much hair, but she walked down the aisle with me and was good throughout the entire ceremony. She also tore up the dance floor!

What a fabulously, perfect-planned wedding. I have to give Alicia so much credit. She spent A LOT of time and energy planning all of the details, and it showed. Everything was so perfect!

She was stunning - her hair, dress, makeup, jewelry, everything was perfect. The colors were great for the fall wedding. The decorations were beautiful ... e

verything just came together!

Denny also got to be a groomsman. He was pretty handsome in that tux ... and it was neat to see all of the brothers stand together ... five between Luke and Alicia!

It was a very fun, very hectic, very perfect day!

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Luke Miller!

Getting a handle

How quickly things can turn around. It's hard to believe how depressed I was just on Friday. I feel like my old self again and I'm excited about life, about the future. I'm learning to cope with struggles and I hope to work extra hard at keeping things in perspective.

I'm thankful for the support I do have from those I see every day and even from fellow moms and bloggers! Thank you so much!

In less than a week, I am starting my master's degree. I am so excited. The nerd in me is really coming out. I'm trying to not think about how I will manage going back to school in addition to working, taking care of Emma and cooking, cleaning. It can be done. Things might not always be perfect, but I'm certainly not the first person to do this. People do it all the time. I'm just excited for this opportunity to expand my professional knowledge and skills.

12-month checkup and updates

Emma did great at the doctor’s office. She received shots and had blood taken, but she only cried for a few seconds! The doctor said she was doing great and developing well. Such a huge relief … not that I didn’t know that already, but it’s always nice to hear it from the doctor.

Stats: She weighs 22 pounds, 6 ounces and was 31 inches tall.

Accomplishments: Walking! She began walking at 10.5 months and has been on the constant go ever since.

Climbing on everything she possibly can. At daycare, she climbed to the top of one of the play structures >> her daycare provided about had a heart attack. We really have to keep a close eye on the stinker!

Eating everything and anything >> she LOVES tomatoes. It’s so cute. We took her out to the garden yesterday and she was eating cherry tomatoes as quick as Denny could hand them to her.

Books >> Emma loves looking at books, but she’s a too impatient for us to actually read them to her. I still do when she is distracted by her milk. J

Drinking milk from a sippy exclusively >> No more bottles. She is such an easy-going kid!

Sleeping in her crib >> We let her cry and the longest she went was an hour and a half the first night. She is really getting the hang of it and I am asking myself why I didn’t let her cry earlier.

Dressing herself >> she loves to put on Denny’s shirts and she constantly tries to put on her shoes.

Talking >> not much coherently. Says dada and sometimes even dad or daddy, DiDi, and dog; refuses to say mama

Hugs >> she gives the best hugs in the world

Tantrums >> throws them at will; she particularly hates to be told “no” … like most people J

I’m sure there is more, but this is all I can think of right now. We love this little girl. I’ve been waking up extra early in the mornings so I can get completely ready before she wakes up. It’s been nice to just hold and cuddle with her before I start my day.

People keep asking when we will have another baby. I really don’t know. Right now we are so happy and content that it isn’t really on our minds. We do hope Emma will be a big sister some day. We have no idea when that day will be and we’re good with that for now.

Monday, Monday

It's not quite 8 a.m. yet and I already feel defeated. This day will get better. Tomorrow will be better. Next week will be better. Next month will be better. Next year will be better.

I have to keep telling myself these things. I don't want to give up on my plan toward financial freedom, professional advancement, a larger family, etc. All in good time!

Emma turned one!

I don't know where the last 12 months went or how it's possible, but our little baby turned one last week.

We celebrated a few times. First on her actual birthday. She got cake a new baby doll at daycare. From Denny and me, she got a pink T-ball set and pink telephone (rotary style).

On Sunday, we had a bigger party with family. She got a lot of toys. Our living room looked like a toy store before I finally got around to finding a place for everything.

She is one very loved little girl! I'm writing down her toys here for memory sake.

• My parents got her a rocking chair and doll
• Denny's dad and Karen got her a doll house/tent, Mickey Mouse, and some smaller things
  
• Debbie got her a Radio Flyer scooter, purse, shoes, shopping cart
• Jenny and Aaron got her a basketball hoop
• Jeremy got her a car, truck, hammer/nail set
• Alicia got her a bouncy pig
• Travis got her a phone
• Bill and Mary got her a John Deere tractor trike
• Jac and Carolyn got her a clock, puzzle and doggie
• Denny's grandparents gave her money.

She is one spoiled (I mean, loved) little girl. I will say it again and again. We are so blessed that so many people came from near and far to celebrate this little life that has blessed us beyond our means.

She loves cake, loves shoes and apparently knows exactly how to wear a purse. Her favorite gift was Mickey Mouse. It was also the first thing she opened. She had zero interest in opening any of the other presents after that.

She wore a tutu and I was able to get some video of her shooting the basketball in her tutu. Will she be an athlete or a ballerina?? Who knows ... probably neither. I really don't care as long as she grows up to be happy and feel love.

I think, in total, Emma had fewer meltdowns than I did throughout the day, which is always good. You see, I made the cakes. I thought I would try to save some money, but now I know that that $20 would have been well spent. They turned out just fine, but I tend to overreact and stress and that's all so silly. Oh well. It certainly tasted good and Jenny said she never noticed me flipping out or anything.

Overall, everything was pretty perfect. Emma has a great support system that reaches far beyond the grasps of Denny and me. I'd say we're all pretty blessed!

Different type of post

Disclaimer: This is not a cheery, Emma post. I need to vent a little and I feel out of options, so blogger, thank you for being my sounding board.

I am stressed out, depressed, disappointed with life. I know I have so many blessings, but right now, all I feel is down. I feel like I can't do anything to please anyone (with the exception of Emma). I think what is most disappointing is that those who I am closest to aren't giving me any support, but rather adding to my stress by making me feel as though I have let them down.

Well, let me tell you, they are letting me down right now. I need help. I need support. I need love. I need comfort.

I'm only human. I can't be everything to everyone. I feel like I have a plan in place to work toward, but the going won't always be easy. Will I have to deal with the low points by myself? I sure hope not, because when I accomplish my goals, I want there to be people to celebrate with me.

I am hoping this passes soon. I don't want to go through life being down, depressed, disappointed.

When will things slow down?

I'm so afraid I'm going to wake up tomorrow and have to take Emma shopping for her prom dress or something. Time is just flying and I feel like I don't have time to enjoy the small stuff. Emma is going to turn one next month. It really feels like just yesterday that my ankles were blocks and all I could wear were stretchy skirts. I just rocked my baby to sleep ... she had peas for dinner. Real food. She is a champ. She is so close to walking, too. Where is the time going?

The other day I went into the kitchen while Emma was playing in the living room. While I was gone, Emma found an old cassette tape in one of the bins under the entertainment center. You can imagine the results! I decided to let her continue to pull the film out of the tape while I grabbed the camera.

I love her so much. I love my life of course ... I just want a little extra time to enjoy it all. This weekend should be great ... it's already time to shoot off fireworks! I am hoping for some relaxation ... to take Emma to the lake and sit around with my family.

10 months

Our little baby is growing into a little lady ... okay, not quite. But, she is growing so fast! She turned 10 months on the 19th, so as usual I'm behind. She is so close to walking ... she has taken three or four steps on several occassions, but she always drops to her knees and crawls as fast as she can to get what ever is she wants ... usually it's something she isn't supposed to have. She is also eating a lot more table food. That is almost all she gets at daycare. She also recently began drinking her formula in a sippy cup! I haven't tried that myself ... she just does that at daycare.

Here is a bulleted run down of her milestones:

• cruising, taking steps, nearly walking
• eating table food
• feeds herself with ease
• babbling much more
• now has seven teeth!
• has the absolute best smile in the world
• pushes toys everywhere
• recently began climbing
• likes to stand up in the tub
• opens the microwave on every opportunity
• wearing 12-18 months

Did I mention how much joy she brings to our lives? She is such a good baby! I have to start planning her birthday and schedule a photoshoot for her!

Worry less, laugh harder, love more

At work, I send out a lot of email announcements to keep everyone informed. As a Christian organization, we actually get to send out prayer requests. Most of the time, these are about deaths—older individuals, people's parents, etc. Very sad, yes, but the one I sent out yesterday broke my heart. It was for a student who attended one of the external sites. His family was asleep when a tornado went through their town a few weeks ago. His wife and young son passed away fairly quickly, while the student and his young daughter survived, but were in critical condition. He passed away over the weekend leaving his little girl without her family. Every time I think about it, tears immediately form. I've been in the loop on her updates, and it sounds like she is in excellent hands with her aunt's family and doing really well. It still hurts me.

I hugged Emma extra tight last night and squeezed Denny's hand a little longer than normal and thought about all of the things that really matter in life. It's so easy, in the day to day, to get caught up with the little things that go wrong. A flat tire, slow drivers, etc. all can make a typical day seem awful. Those examples stink. I can't think right now! This tragedy has really put things into perspective for me, and at least for the time being, all of those annoyances really just seem like annoyances. Not anything that would make me lose sight of what is truly important. So, when things go wrong, I am going to try to think about all that is right.

So last night, I didn't try to accomplish too much. I made lasagna while Denny worked in the garden and then we "watched" a movie while Emma raced around the living room like a mad woman. She is such a blessing! It was the perfect evening. I think I will try making less plans and concentrating on taking advantage of every moment I have with Denny and Emma.

Sunburst 2010

Well, I did it. I finished the 2010 Sunburst Mini Marathon. It wasn’t pretty. I thought my legs and ankles were going to give out on me in the last three miles, but I kept going. I have the medal to prove it!

I’m going to back up a little to chronicle why this planned-for event turned into such an immense struggle for me. I began training several weeks ago. Right before Easter, my efforts were sidetracked because I twisted my knee. I finally started to get back into the swing of things when I became more sick than I have ever been in my life. I was knocked out for two weeks. I had pneumonia. That was four weeks before the race. I didn’t even attempt to resume my training. I did one or two workouts before the race, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I strongly considered switching to the 5k or 10k, but I had already paid for the mini. I decided to just give it a try.

I stayed with Jenny through the first nine miles! We ran a lot of the first six, which I think is what ended up killing me. She was planning on staying with me until mile 10, but I finally just told her to go! I strongly considered quitting between miles 10-12 … my ankles started to hurt. I just kept going … that seemed easier than finding a volunteer to take me to the end.

I eventually reached the part of the race where the marathoners and mini marathoners meet up. I started looking for Jeremy, but I had no idea what he was wearing. Then, I spotted him!! I waved to make sure. It was just the boost I needed. He walked with me briefly, but I was going sssllllooooow. Anyway, I ended up finishing just a couple minutes after him with a time of 3:07 … my personal worst. Oh well. I did it! And Jenny was right at the finish line waiting for me! She rocked … 2:43 or something. Three minutes off her goal, but that is so great! And Jeremy! He did the full marathon … 26.2 miles. He did awesome! I think his time was 4:16 or so.

I really hope to properly train for a mini one day and run it well. I would like to finish in 2:30 … maybe someday.

Bathroom

I had to close bathroom door this morning to block Emma's access. She started opening all of the drawers, and I caught her pulling out my lotion bottles and playing with Q-tips. It will be interesting to see when she starts walking ... she might not for a while still because she can get anywhere she wants very fast by crawling. I love this baby!

Nine months

Emma turned nine months last week. I never even wrote an eight-month update, so this will probably include details for the past two months.

She is so much fun at this stage!

• She crawls everywhere ... FAST! She likes to get into anything she knows she's not supposed to ... especially the entertainment center stuff (loves pulling the Wii to the ground), magazines and, most recently, the toilet! Yuck! She also learned how to open the microwave last week! Awesome! I knew there was a good reason I hated it being so low.


• She is on a great eating schedule. Bottle and fruit between 6 and 7 a.m., another bottle around 10 a.m., lunch veggie, afternoon bottle, dinner and night bottle. That's only four bottles (6 ounces each). We are buying formula less often! The end is near. It's so hard to believe she will be drinking milk in less than three months! She loves Ritz crackers, puffs and lil cruchers. She tried yogurt this week, but isn't crazy about it.


• Growth-wise: Emma continues in the 75th percentile across the board. I am so happy she is growing steadily! At her nine-month checkup, she weighed 20 pounds, 3 oz. and measured 28.5 inches.
  
• Her balance is improving every day. She can stand up just by balancing on a wall (she doesn't have to pull herself up) and she cruises with ease.


• She loves bath time! Last night I tried to take her out before she was ready, and she let me know!


• Teeth: she now has six (that's no typo!)


• Tantrums: throws them any time we try to remove her from entertainment center or take away something she shouldn't have ... like DVDs (which she loves to pull down), electrical cords, etc.


• Sleeping: she is doing well overall. There was a rough week when I let her sleep with me more than I should have, but I really needed my sleep and she's so sweet to cuddle with! She is now back in her crib all night. And she wakes up right around 6 a.m. EVERY day.


• Clapping and waving: Debbie taught her how to clap! It is the cutest thing. She is also catching on to waving and sometimes gives us a high five.


• Daddy's girl: she prefers Denny over anyone, but loves me, too!
  

I feel like I'm forgetting more, but it's hard to remember everything. She is such a joy. It's hard to remember life without her. We are truly blessed with a sweet, passionate little lady.

Teeth update

Emma went eight and half months without any teeth. In the past three and half weeks, she has gotten six! I know I'm a first-time mom, but that seems like a lot! For the most part, she is handling it very well, but I think the pain is starting to get to her. I feel so bad for her. I am hoping they will come in fast and all the pain will be gone.

Yesterday, she was a little off. As I was trying to calm her last night, it made me realize how truly fortunate we are to have such a great baby! I mean, days like yesterday are so rare that I felt anxious and upset. Some parents have more of those challenging days than good days. I know we are truly blessed.

This morning she was in a pretty good mood overall. She acted a little cranky, but played well while I got ready. I'm single-parenting-it again for the next few days.

I will try to get some pictures of those teeth. This is the order they came in:

• Top righthand side (Debbie pointed out her first tooth; it was the first weekend of my two-week sickness)
• Next was the middle bottom tooth (my mom pointed out this one!)
• Followed the next day by the top lefthand side tooth
• Then the second bottom middle tooth
• Then the top middle
• And another bottom tooth on her right side

Really missing Emma today

Some work days are better than others. Today, I am struggling to concentrate because I just want to hold Emma. Chase after her, take her for walks, play outside. I miss my girl right now. Most days, I wouldn’t trade working for staying at home. As much as I love Emma, I like to work … to stimulate my mind, talk to adults, etc. I also know Emma loves day care, and those children love her! On Friday, Emma had a doctor’s appointment so I took her in later. As soon as I walked through the door, the little ones were saying, “Emma’s here!” So sweet. I love that! And she loves watching other children. (She will be an excellent sister someday.)
It doesn’t help that I have pictures of her plastered all around my desk!

Today is just challenging. I know it will end; I'll get busy, have a great conversation with a coworker and before I know, it will be time to go pick her up. But this morning has been awful! Okay, pity party over ... I need to go accomplish something!

Life …

It’s been kicking my butt lately. Or maybe that was the nasty virus capped off with pneumonia. Either way, it’s mid-May and I feel so behind. The good news is that I have a plan. A plan that includes goals—five-year goals that I have already started working toward. I am more hopeful than I have been in a long time … probably since the last time I could think of tangible goals. These include:

• Freeing ourselves of credit card debt – we already have a payment plan in place to make this happen. The bad news is that it will take five years. The good news is that we will be free from credit card debt! This is one I am most excited about. It will take a lot of discipline, but I know it will pay off in the end.
  
• Obtaining a master’s degree and getting a new job/promotion – I’ve been at my job for six years … with the same title. No good! (Don’t get me wrong, I am so fortunate for my job and the people I work with and the flexible schedule and all that I have learned … but I don’t want to settle.) I have been accepted into a Master of Arts in Communication program, and I will begin classes in September. I know I’m a dork, but I can’t wait to take classes again and work toward my degree, and eventually, my next career shift.
  
• Create a nest egg – that’s Denny’s term for savings. Right now we hardly have any, which has contributed to our reliance on credit cards. I am hoping to have enough saved to financially support our lifestyle (if we both lost our jobs) for a month by the end of this year. In five years, I am hoping it will be up to three months.
  
• Permanently lose 20 pounds – with the sickness, I am a little closer to my ideal weight, but this goal is also related to discipline. I need to eat better and exercise. It’s really pretty simple when it comes down to it. I also need to stop turning to food when I’m sad, bored, lonely, etc.
  
• Write or finish a book. This is the hardest goal to commit to, but I need to set aside my fear of failure and do it! Who cares if it never gets published or if it’s awful … many successful people fail before they succeed.

That’s all for now. These might not seem very big to a lot of people, but if I can look back in five years, having checked each of these off, I know I will be happy.

April 20

I distinctly remember hearing about the Columbine in high school. I was a little nervous to go to school ... it was scary to think that other humans, let alone teenagers, could be responsible for such an act of terror.

I've been thinking even more about Columbine this year because I am reading Wally Lambs' The Hour I First Believed. I love his writing. She's Come Undone vies for the prestigious title of my favorite book. But this one has been a little hard to get through.

As my sweet little girl sleeps peacefully in the room across the hall, it's hard for me to want to go to such a dark place ... especially since his book is based on a such a terrible, recent event.

Today, I am thinking of Columbine—of the students, teachers and staff members who lived through the tragedy—of the parents and loved ones of victims, who both died and survived—of the community and the nation that asked, what happened?

Easter

I'm a few weeks late, but Easter was a pretty nice, low key weekend. We went to Indiana on Good Friday and it proved to be a big day for Emma! That morning, while we were still at home, she started sitting up by herself! I was so surprised ... and she just kept doing it! Later that evening at my parent's house, she pulled herself into a standing position!

She also got to meet her cousins for the first time that night! It was so sweet watching the three of them play together. Emma loves watching other children, so she was in heaven. Saturday was very laid back. We mostly just hung around, ate and watched basetball.

On Sunday, I got up early to shower. Emma wasn't happy. She had slept with me on a cot, so I woke up Denny to watch her, but she cried and just wanted me. :) That felt pretty good!

We made it to church just a little late, but we weren't all able to sit together. I know my mom was disppointed, so when she went up for communion, I had Denny hand Emma to her. I think that did the trick. After church, we had a late breakfast, my mom's family came over. Denny and I also snuck outside to hide eggs for Bobby and Riley. It was fun watching them gather them. They are so adorable!! I will post pictures soon!

This was the first Easter without my Grandma. It was a lot sadder than I anticipated, but I know she's in a much better place. It reaffirmed what an amazing woman she was ... everyone sat around and reminisced about her for a while.

Easter Sunday also fell on Denny's 28th birthday this year. I wanted to surprise him with something from Emma, but I couldn't come up with anything. I really hope he wasn't too disappointed.

Seven months

Emma turned seven months on Friday. I had every intention to write an update on time for once, but that same day, we lost my grandma. So, while this month was wonderful for Emma, she recently attended her first funeral. Not that she'll remember, but sad nonetheless.

• Emma weighs 18.25 pounds and is 27 inches long - 75th percentile
• She is "crawling" and getting around fast
• She smiles for the camera now
• Her personality is coming out more and more - I think she has a bit of a temper. I have no idea where that come from. :)
• No teeth yet, but she continues to show signs of teething
• She recently began opening and closing her mouth ... like she chomping down, but no sound comes out of her mouth ... love it!
• She says dadadada, didididi, even mamama on occasion
• places balls in the little hoop-like contraction attached to her kitchen
• tries to pull herself up a lot
• loves going after newspapers (or any papers, magazines) and cords ... little stinker!
• She is eating pretty well ... still prefers peas over anything else and seems to hate fruit! This whole no sweet-tooth thing is really throwing me off!

Emma, you are so much fun! I still have moments when I can't wait for you to wake up just so I can hold you. Your little smile and laugh continue to melt my heart. You can make even the crummiest days seem bright with that big smile of yours!

I think you are beginning to understand the word, "no." You always look at your dad and just smile. Hehehe ... this will not be funny in a few months or years, so I need to laugh now. You also respond to your name really well!

I am looking forward to watching you grow more and more over the next several weeks, months and years. I am so blessed to be your mom!

Grandma,

This morning Mom called to tell me you passed away. I am so deeply saddened. You were an amazing Grandma and I will never, ever forget you. Thank you for being a firecracker! For standing up for yourself and your family. I didn't always agree with what you said, but you were genuine and unapologetic and you didn't care about pleasing everyone. There is real value in that, Grandma, so thank you.

And, oh could you make us laugh! A few weeks ago, Jeremy, Jenny and I were together and we started talking about some of the funny things you would say.

And let's not forget about your love. I think the best testament to your loving spirit is how much Mom and your other children cared for you. I don't think you remembered how wonderful they were near the end, but Grandma, I learned so much about love from watching them care for you. And they cared for you because there was a mutual love. You loved them unconditionally, so they did the same.

You also taught me a lot about the value of hard work. You were so frustrated about not being able to clean more. And I loved hearing your stories, many of which were able working hard.

But work wasn't all you were about ... you played, too! I still try to remember your principle about eating whatever you want as long as you eat the healthy stuff first! In fact, I just did that for lunch, in your honor.

I'm so glad I have so many great memories. Grandma, I'm glad you were able to meet Emma. She is the best thing I have ever done. Being able to share her with you was very special.

There is so much more on my mind, Grandma. But mostly, I just want to thank you for being a positive role model, and for loving me for me ... for all of me ... good, bad and ugly. I will strive to live my life like you lived yours ... without regrets!

Love,
Julie

"Walking"

Last month, Jeremy and Jenny brought a gift for Emma all the way from Baton Rouge: Bobby and Riley’s old walker. Emma is absolutely in love with it! It took her a little while to figure it out, but now she looks like Fred Flintstone moving her little legs as fast as she can to move around the kitchen. It’s been a blessing to me, too. Now I can do the dishes, bake and whatnot any time. I used to just wait until she went to bed, but it’s so much better to do things as I get motivated (since it doesn’t happen as often as I like).

Getting things done … finally

During my lunch break today, I finally got a couple important things done. Things I should have done months, and in one case, years ago. Oh well. The important thing is that I am doing them now. Taking charge of my life—I’m trying to be more responsible … especially when it comes to money.

So, I found out what I need to do to cancel my gym membership—to the gym I haven’t been to in probably a year! Wow! What a waste of money! I also found out what I need to do to get my last name changed on my retirement plan and to change my beneficiary. When I set that up, I wasn’t married. But, I have been married for four and half years. Oh well. The important thing is that I’m doing it now. Right? Yes, keep telling yourself that!

Finally, I switched our phone plan to a cheaper one with more minutes! I actually would have only been able to that as of January 30, so I haven’t wasted too much time.

Other items I want to cross off my list this week or the next couple include: filing the taxes, taking in the dry cleaning, starting my application for grad school and filling out the FAFSA.
We also need to find a new car before Easter! I’m nervous about the loan, but hopefully me credit is still good enough for that to go through. My fingers are crossed!

Six month photos

I know I already commented on the fact that Emma is six months old. Here is my dilemma ... do I pay for professional photos? It's funny because I don't hesitate to waste our money in other ways (I am working on this, seriously!). It's just that I often think professional photos look so generic ... like in a studio. I don't know. So, who knows if Emma will have any professional photos taken before her senior photos. :) Here are some pretty cute photos I snapped last Sunday. I can't believe this knit hat almost fits her! I picked it up when she was a newborn, and I used to put it on her head and roll it up once. She's getting so big, so fun. We truly are blessed!

Is it really possible ...

That Emma is only six months old and I am already yearning for another baby? Yes, yearning! I really hope this feeling passes soon. I think I'm just feeling nostalgic to those days leading up to going into labor ... I was so anxious. Next time I will know to savor every moment ... assuming we are blessed again. And I will also know that labor isn't easy, but it is something I can get through.

And then that moment when I saw her sweet little face for the first time. She really was a gorgeous baby (still is) ... the nurses kept saying her coloring was great and she had Daddy's chin. And Denny had tears in his eyes.

Next time, I will feel more than sheer relief that the pain has subsided. But, for now I will go take another look at that sweet baby girl, who made me a mom - really the only title I've ever truly cared to hold.

The things I do for love ...

Yesterday I sat in the living room while Denny flipped between the gold medal hockey game and Nascar. If that's not love ...

Six months

Emma turned six months old a week ago. Six months! That's half a year ... how is that even possible. I know I've said it before, and I'm sure I will say many more times, but she is so amazing. She is really beginning to blossom and her personality is coming out more and more. I love it!

This has been a month of many downs for our family, but I refuse to acknowledge them because so much good has happened for Emma Claire-Bear. She was baptized on Feb. 7 ... Super Bowl Sunday. She did wonderful. There was another younger baby also baptized that morning. That baby cried throughout the whole thing, but Emma just looked around. She didn't even shed a tear when Deacon Lu poured some of the holy water in her eyes. She was a trooper. I am so relieved that she is now baptized. It was also great to get the whole family together--both Denny's and mine (minus Joe, Kelly, Bobby and Riley, of course).

Other updates for Emma include:

• rolling everywhere
• getting up on all fours and rocking back and forth
• eating solids (or trying anyway)
• holding her own bottle
• sitting up by herself (when we place her in that position)
• chewing on everything she can get her hands on
• laughing, smiling and "talking" up a storm
• sleeping longer stretches in her crib
• grabbing two objects at once

I'm sure I left some out, but that's the gist. This month she also got an ear infection in both ears. Poor baby ... she didn't sleep well, was very irritable and didn't show much interest in food. Once she began feeling better, she was like a new baby. Even happier, more smiley and just a sweetie-pie. It really sucked seeing her get sick and suffer, but I took advantage of the extra snuggles.

Emma also celebrated Valentine's Day by handing out and receiving several cards from her daycare friends. She even "made" a sweet card holder. Have I mentioned how much I love her daycare. I know she's in great hands and she brings home the best crafts!