Wishing laughter was my genuine reaction

Last Friday night I stayed up way too late. I wasn't watching "Breaking Bad" or reading or anything fun. I was desperately trying to finish an assignment so I could enjoy my weekend. Those 2-3 hours of sleep I got that night were not enough and I paid for it (and so did my kids, unfortunately).

On Saturday I was okay. We went to visit Jenny and Aaron and took the kids to Java Jungle. They ran around like the crazies they are and had a blast. Then we picked up party supplies for Colt Buddy's birthday party and headed home. I got super sleepy on the drive, but we made it and everything went okay.

On Sunday, we had to venture into Jackson for diapers and to order Colt's cake and some other stuff. Emma got a new swimsuit, too. It was so cute watching her pick it out! When we got home, the lack of sleep hit me like a train. While the kids were being good and watching TV, I laid down on the couch to rest.

When I woke up, Emma was in her swimsuit and sitting in a big puddle of water in the dining room. I yelled, "What are you doing?" She said, "It's okay, Mom. I'm in my swimsuit."

I lost it. I screamed at my kids. Screamed. I hate myself for it. Three days later, I can finally see the humor, but I was livid in the moment. Why was that my reaction? I am hoping it was the lack of sleep, but I feel horrible. In eight more weeks, I will be done with my master's degree. From there, I want to be a lot more selective about how I spend my free time. I cherish those two monkeys way too much to treat them like that. I am hoping this mommy guilt goes away soon. 

Sometimes the race seems long ...

Over the past week, I have dealt with the following:

Locked my keys in my car
Which made Emma miss her ballet class
Dropped my phone
Which caused the screen to shatter (it still works)
Had a long overdue and much anticipated talk with my boss
Which resulted in tears (good and bad)
Was asked to change my work schedule
Which made me redo the schedule we had just gotten into a groove with
Stayed up until 4 a.m. to finish an assignment
I did not get it done
Colt woke me up before 7 a.m. the following morning
Which allowed me to get up and finish the dumb thing after three more hours of work (eight more weeks, eight more weeks)
Got zero cleaning done over the weekend
Got a flat tire on Sunday night
Got four new tires installed this morning
Which made me two hours late for work

I need a break... a release... a good cry followed by a good nap.

I am having trouble focusing, and I wrote this a little while ago:

I am just going to type so it seems like I am writing something, but really I just want to go home. I want to go crawl into bed and pull the comforter over my head and cry and then sleep until I wake up on my own … and then I want to sleep some more until I wake up on my own. Then I want to get up, and watch mind-numbing TV for a solid two hours. 

Is that too much to ask?

The seaweed is always greener ...

About a week ago today when I was putting Emma to bed, she asked me if tomorrow was the weekend. No, not even close. It was only Tuesday, but I love that she was thinking about how great weekends are because we get to be together 24/7. They are my favorite, too.

I told her, no, and asked if she wanted to do something special when the weekend did come. We agreed on a surprise for her. Within the next day or two, she knew that she was going somewhere with Aunt Alicia and me, and that Aunt Jenny was coming over to watch Colt Buddy (so daddy could ice fish, of course).

On Saturday, after an early lunch and bath, she dressed up in a cute outfit complete with her cowgirl boots. Adorable! Then we waited for the aunties to arrive. She didn't want me to tell her the surprise even at that point. We drove to the Croswell Theater in Adrian and had to park pretty far away, but we made it in perfect time to see "The Little Mermaid," on stage.

It was such a great play! Emma loved it from start to finish. She got a special treat (juice box and goldfish) and then we were able to take a few pictures with the cast after the show. The cast did amazing and most of them were just kids (high school or younger).

Afterward when we were making a trek back to the car, Emma said she thought we should go out to dinner or something. She did not want to day to end. It was so special seeing her so happy.

We didn't go to dinner, but we went out for ice cream, which she might have loved even more. She was such a little chatterbox talking about her boyfriends, Wyatt and Blayden, and just going on and on. Alicia and I were cracking up.

It was so much fun to share a special day with Emma. I hope to find more and more opportunities to make special memories with her and with Colt when he is a little older.