Waiting for that full-scale upswing

Seriously. Even Emma's lunch account shows several (several!) days where no money was sent in for either lunch or milk. But, I haven't forgotten even one day. Not once! I'm not saying this because I'm perfect. I know I'm so far from perfect, but seriously. Can just one thing go right for me? I am really trying here. I'm also really struggling to hold it together. Yuck!

Late night thoughts

I don't think being alone is the worst thing. I think feeling alone when you're surrounded by people is the worst thing.

Venting ...

I’m feeling sad and tired today. It feels like I’m failing in every area of life. When I stop to think about it, though, I think I’m doing OK. No, not just OK. I’m doing great. It’s just that those around me make me feel so inadequate, so useless and unappreciated. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. But, this might be the first time where I actually want to tell everyone where they can stick it!

I am working hard and doing the best I can. I really am. I also think I’m doing pretty well under the circumstances, but it never seems good enough. Emma’s doctor of all people made me feel like a complete failure. I don’t get it! I didn’t demand an appointment. I called earlier this week to say that she has had headaches and complained about dizziness off and on for four weeks. If they wanted me to document it, I would have been happy to start that. Please don’t act frustrated because I am answering honestly. I work. Emma goes to school. I’m not with her 24/7, so I can’t say for sure how often she feels this way or how long it lasts. She’s five, so I don’t always get the facts as it is. Stop making me feel like a failure!

And when the pharmacy doesn’t have a prescription ready, it’s not my fault. I won’t even touch work. It’s not worth my energy to try to figure out that mess. I want to climb under my covers and cry and sleep ... in that order. But I actually need to spend all of my free time cleaning because I was able to get us on track to refinance our house in a matter of days. See! I am doing a lot of good things. Please, someone tell me thank you.

Is that too much to ask?