There's little relief; give us reprieve

Emma, Colt and I escaped to Indiana for a long weekend last week. It was a really good break from the chaos. I was exhausted and overwhelmed, so one of the first things I did was take a nap! The kids played with their grandparents, and I was able to return to my happy place.

On Thursday evening, after a messy spaghetti dinner, the kids and I headed over to spend the evening with my high school friend, Raina, and her two adorable kids. It was a fun evening watching the kids and catching up on life. The next day we met for lunch so just the two of us could chat. I loved that time. I really miss her. She is definitely one friend I hope to always have in my life.

Later that afternoon, the kids, my mom and I went shopping. I found Colt's Easter outfit and some cute clothes for the kids and we got some art supplies before heading back t o my parent's house. That evening, we ordered pizza, did some bunny crafts and colored Easter eggs.

On Saturday morning, we visited the Easter bunny. Colt was more receptive to this one. He would not go near the Easter bunny in the mall. We then played at the park for a while and had lunch. It was another great day!

On Sunday, we went to church. Colt lasted a good amount of time, but the extra-long Palm Sunday reading got the best of him, and I took the kids out to the car right before communion. After our usual iHop breakfast, the kids searched for Easter eggs before we hit the road.

I hope to go for another long weekend sometime during the summer.

Colt Buddy loved coloring Easter eggs!

Emma found it easier to just use her hands!

Everyone says this Easter bunny is creepy, but Colt wasn't afraid of him!

Goofy kids

This day ...

It continues to be one of the worst I've had in a while. I can't believe I have to wait another six and a half hours before I can get in some good sobs on my drive home.

At this point, I feel like if anyone has any bad news for me, just tell me today. Let's get it all done and over with so I can get over it all and have some really great days.

Dear Emma and Colt

I hope you don't remember this morning for very long. I never want you to look back and think of me throwing a piece of wood at the wall (well, it was more of a toss, but it definitely left a gnash in the wall). I am exhausted and overbooked and overwhelmed and, and, and ...

The point is that you are far too young to understand the toll the past four weeks have taken on me. You just know that I got frustrated and threw something. I'm sorry. It's unacceptable. The best I can do is try to never put myself in that situation again.

When I set out to achieve a master's degree three and half years ago, I wanted to be superwoman. No, that's not the reason I started, but I quickly realized how hard it was going to be and I went for it, any way.

People started to ask how I do it. How do I work, take care of family and go to school? Many people have looked at me in awe over the years, and I have relished it ... until this morning. The truth is that I can't do it all. No mom can. Yet our society makes everyone want to be that one person who has it all together. You know, the mom who prepares a perfect snack she found on Pinterest, who always has a clean home and happy kids. Well, I surrender. I can't do it all, and I don't want to ... not any more. I need to say no and not feel guilty, and I need to ask for help. It's that simple.

I want to be your mom first. I want you to remember reading books, playing baseball and basketball, making crafts, exploring our beautiful yard and going for walks. I don't want you to think, I don't have a lot of memories of playing with mom, but that's because she was working so hard.

Because really, who am I working for if that's the case?

I'm so sorry for this morning and for all of the times I have said no because I was too busy trying to please or impress someone else. In two weeks when I complete my degree, I will still be proud. It is a big deal because it was a dream of mine. I just failed by not asking for more help and internalizing most of my unhappiness and struggles.

I want you both to pursue your dreams, but not at any cost. I love you both dearly, and I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye this morning. I was pretty mortified after I realized just how out of control I had gotten.

Subtraction project - day 1

One of the blogs I follow is hosting a subtraction project. I signed up because I could certainly do with a little less in my life. Today was day 1, and the task was simple enough. Get rid of pens that no longer work. I also enjoyed the pen-testing method--writing words that make me feel good. In all honesty, I ran out of words is lightning speed. That was probably my biggest eye-opener of the day. I do not surround myself with positive thoughts and energy. Today is different. I now have fewer pens and more encouraging words to tackle the day. Learn more. http://cassjustcurious.com/

Week 10 of 13 (3 of 4)

The end is so near! I had the realization that I will be done with my master's degree in less than a month on Friday, and I felt giddy. Yes, giddy! Today I got a tentative date for my final presentation. My professor said he was hoping to have all of them complete by April 26! Yes!! I am so excited. I might become nervous right beforehand, but right now, I am just ready.

I have started to dream about what will happen after I am done, but mostly I'm just excited to think about a summer without a class. A vacation without worrying about finding wi-fi to get in some discussion board posts. Time spent with my husband and children. Painting and making necklaces and whatever else we want! Bike rides, T-ball, the possibilities are endless.

The other portion of my headline refers to the classes I've been teaching this semester. For just four weeks, I teach on Monday and Wednesday evenings from 6:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m. I love the time with the students, but it makes for long days/weeks. I am hoping to continue teaching in this capacity next year, and I can only imagine how much easier it will feel when I'm not also worrying about homework.

Sorry for the boring post. It's just on mind today!

Joe's a state champ!

A few weeks ago, Joe's basketball team competed for a state title. In a whirlwind weekend, I flew down to Louisiana with my parents to cheer on Joe and his team. It was such a crazy, exhausting weekend, but so worth it!

The night before the game, Jenny sent me a text asking if I thought Mom and Dad would be willing to drive up to Michigan and then fly out with me the following morning. After a lot of discussion, we all decided to go for it. I left poor Denny, who had thrown out his back, at home with the kids. My dad and I were both running on zero sleep, but I was able to sleep some in the air and in the car, so that was nice.

The game itself was awesome! Joe's team dominated the first quarter and still had a solid lead going into the half. The second half was a different story. The other team came back and fought hard, but Joe's team held tight for the W. It was so exciting to see all of Joe's hard work pay off.

It was also great to see Joe, Kelly, Bobby and Riley for the weekend. I love them and miss them so much!

Rainbow trees

I really try to reserve my weekends to spend time with the kids. I work as hard as possible to get all of my homework done so we can makes some fun memories. One day last week, I asked Emma what she wanted to do on the weekend. I suggested making a craft, and she loved the idea. She said, "Let's make rainbow trees." I loved the idea!

I worked as hard I could on a really big assignment during the week, but I had to finish it up on Saturday morning. Luckily Aunties Jenny and Alicia were over to entertain the kids so I could finish. It was fabulous having them there to help me. I didn't even feel stressed or anything.

Any way, after I finally submitted the assignment, we headed to Hobby Lobby to get paint and browse. I ended up spending $29 on crafts, but it was exciting! The next day, I set up paint stations for Emma and Colt at the kitchen table. Colt lost interest fast, so I sat down and painted my version of a rainbow tree. Emma loved it and wanted to do one herself. She asked me to help her, which I planned on doing after I changed Colt's diaper. But, when I came back, she was already done. I love it! She has done a few more since then.

She has also made robots and Easter decorations with the craft items we bought from Hobby Lobby. I love the creativity and the time it gets her away from the TV or iPad. It was definitely $29 well spent!