As the weeks—and more likely—days pass by, I find myself most worried about the longstanding effects I will have on my baby girl. Not about making sure she is fed, bathed, diapered and safe, but how will my words and actions affect her as she grows up.
I can probably mostly blame my extreme sensitivity on this … I mean I can remember things that those who love me most said to me when I was very young that really hurt (and I don’t mean hateful comments or anything … just words spoken out of frustration). How do I protect her from that same hurt? How will I be able to ensure that she knows how much I love her when life gets the best of me; when I lose my temper because of dumb things; when life just seems overwhelming?
Like in Juno, where her dad tells her he thought she was smarter than that … his disapproval really hurt her and she was a teenager… and fictional at that.
She’s not even here yet and I find myself already thinking about how I need to make better financial decisions so I can give her the best of everything—very materialistic, I know … but do children really grasp why their friends have better things than them? I just want her to be happy at any cost.
I guess I just have to love her unconditionally and demonstrate the true value of love. And when I make one mistake, I have to brush it aside and try better. I just want to be a good mom—no; the best mom. And of course, I want Denny to be the best dad, but I’m not as worried about him … he’s pretty great at loving people unconditionally … I mean, he married me, right?
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