Month two

You are already accumulating a wide range of nicknames, mostly from me. Pumpkin, sweet pea, cutie pie, Emma Claire Bear … that’s my current fav.

I will probably say this every month, but I can’t believe how fast you are growing! You are so close to rolling over … just a little more and you would have it. Speaking of which, you continue to get stronger and stronger every day. You are starting to show an interest in some of your toys. I think your favorite is the doll from Grandma Spencer!

You experienced some more firsts this month. You attended your first wedding – my friend, Betsy got married in Kokomo, so you also got to visit your Grandma and Grandpa Spencer’s house for the first time. You did so great on both the car rides there and back.

You have also gotten to enjoy spending a lot of time with Grandma Bendele and Aunt Alicia. They have been taking great care of you since I returned to work. It makes me so sad to leave you each morning, but I am so comforted in knowing that you are well cared for and loved greatly.

We are looking forward to the next couple of months. Your daddy is going to start hunting soon, which will give us plenty of time to cuddle. And then the holiday season will be here before we know it. Your daddy and I are so excited to share our traditions with you and probably begin a few.

Though we’ve only known for two months, you have brought so much joy and love into our lives, and we are thankful for you!

Returning to work

I like to prove people wrong. That’s just the gut-wrenching truth. So the thought of returning to work and leaving Emma wasn’t hard for me … at first. Everyone told me it would be horrible and one of the most difficult things I would go through as a first-time mom, but I just nodded and thought, I’ll prove them wrong.

Well, they were right. Every single person who told me it would be hard and I would struggle with the decision and try to figure out a way (financially) to stay home with her was so dead on.
The first time I cried was five days before returning to work. I was alone with Emma waiting for Denny to get home and I just lost it. There were some serious sobs in this initial cry.

The morning I took her to Debbie’s, I was inside talking and cried, but only a little. Debbie was great. She knew I was about to lose it, so we changed the subject. Side note: I really appreciate it when people do that; I’m a very emotional person and I wish I could control my outbursts better, so it’s so nice when people recognize that.

The next time I cried was in front of three co-workers – they made the mistake of just talking about my sweet baby girl. The final time was around noon when I was talking to my supervisor. She let me leave two hours early, so maybe crying isn’t always all that bad.

I went home and held Emma for four straight hours. That seemed to do the trick. I want my daughter to feel protected, loved and well cared for … all of which can still be achieved without me quitting my job. I love Emma more than I ever knew possible, but I also love working – the feeling of accomplishment. We also need my income and the incredible health insurance my job provides.

I'm sure this will continue to be a daily struggle, but I am hoping it gets easier.