Returning to work

I like to prove people wrong. That’s just the gut-wrenching truth. So the thought of returning to work and leaving Emma wasn’t hard for me … at first. Everyone told me it would be horrible and one of the most difficult things I would go through as a first-time mom, but I just nodded and thought, I’ll prove them wrong.

Well, they were right. Every single person who told me it would be hard and I would struggle with the decision and try to figure out a way (financially) to stay home with her was so dead on.
The first time I cried was five days before returning to work. I was alone with Emma waiting for Denny to get home and I just lost it. There were some serious sobs in this initial cry.

The morning I took her to Debbie’s, I was inside talking and cried, but only a little. Debbie was great. She knew I was about to lose it, so we changed the subject. Side note: I really appreciate it when people do that; I’m a very emotional person and I wish I could control my outbursts better, so it’s so nice when people recognize that.

The next time I cried was in front of three co-workers – they made the mistake of just talking about my sweet baby girl. The final time was around noon when I was talking to my supervisor. She let me leave two hours early, so maybe crying isn’t always all that bad.

I went home and held Emma for four straight hours. That seemed to do the trick. I want my daughter to feel protected, loved and well cared for … all of which can still be achieved without me quitting my job. I love Emma more than I ever knew possible, but I also love working – the feeling of accomplishment. We also need my income and the incredible health insurance my job provides.

I'm sure this will continue to be a daily struggle, but I am hoping it gets easier.