Easter 2014

We had a low-key Easter weekend this year. Because Denny was scheduled to work the Saturday before Easter, we decided to stay home instead of going to my parent's house. I had Good Friday off, so the kids and I went to Ikea with Jenny. It was fun and the kids behaved pretty well.

On Saturday, Alicia and I took the kids to a local Easter egg hunt. We were such amateurs. We got there late and then missed where the kids were supposed to be, but they went with the older kids and had fun. Afterward, Alicia and Luke took the kids for a special adventure. They went to Build-a-Bear, where Emma made a My Little Pony (adorable!) and Colt made a monkey in a Detroit Tigers uniform. Then, they picked out their first fish, which Emma named Fishinator. Ha! Love her!

Late that night, I hid some eggs in the living room, placed our eggs in ours shoes (Denny's family tradition) and put out the Easter baskets. On Sunday morning, the kids found their eggs and looked at their baskets before church. Afterward, they did another small egg hunt before we headed over to Debbie's for brunch. It was a beautiful day! We enjoyed a lazy afternoon at home (I even snuck in a nap!). Dennis came over with baskets for the kids in the evening. It was pretty perfect!

Class of 2027

The world doesn't slow down to let us process how fast time passes. That is my simple observation from the recent past. I enrolled Emma for kindergarten last Thursday. I didn't even have time to feel emotional as the week was filled with other obligations like ballet pictures, finishing up my capstone, work, laundry, dishes, chicken care, wood splitting, and on and on. I feel like I say that all the time, but some days the to-do just seems to never end. For every item I cross off, it seems I have to add three. But, I digress...

So, kindergarten round-up ...

Emma was nervous when we talked about kindergarten, but she seemed excited to know one of her old daycare friends would be going to the same school as her. We arrived a little early, and I tried to introduce Emma to her principal, who I know from college. She played shy like usual. I have learned to just go with it. We got her a name tag and I let her pick out where to sit. A few people we know then sat next to us and behind us. When it was time for the children to go with the teachers, Emma went up on her own.

I sat through a lot of introductions and some informational stuff. I then filled out the forms and spoke with the bus coordinator ... so many logistics to nail down. It can seem overwhelming. I just decided to wait for another day to figure out busing. :)

Then the children started to come back into the auditorium. Emma didn't see me at first, but I caught her eye and she ran up to me. She had a great time. She handed me a duck she had colored and told me they had a snack. We then rode a bus together. Emma sat by her friend, Hunter, and I sat behind them with Stephanie. After that, we headed back to daycare so Emma could participate in the Easter egg hunt. She told me about the playground at her new school.

I can now say that Emma is excited for kindergarten. She has an assessment next week to determine where she should be ... with her August birthday, I continue to struggle with the decision about holding her back one year or just letting her be young throughout school. I am hoping the assessment will shed some light on where she should be next year. I know she will do well no matter what. I just can't believe the little baby who brightened my world is old enough for school.

There's little relief; give us reprieve

Emma, Colt and I escaped to Indiana for a long weekend last week. It was a really good break from the chaos. I was exhausted and overwhelmed, so one of the first things I did was take a nap! The kids played with their grandparents, and I was able to return to my happy place.

On Thursday evening, after a messy spaghetti dinner, the kids and I headed over to spend the evening with my high school friend, Raina, and her two adorable kids. It was a fun evening watching the kids and catching up on life. The next day we met for lunch so just the two of us could chat. I loved that time. I really miss her. She is definitely one friend I hope to always have in my life.

Later that afternoon, the kids, my mom and I went shopping. I found Colt's Easter outfit and some cute clothes for the kids and we got some art supplies before heading back t o my parent's house. That evening, we ordered pizza, did some bunny crafts and colored Easter eggs.

On Saturday morning, we visited the Easter bunny. Colt was more receptive to this one. He would not go near the Easter bunny in the mall. We then played at the park for a while and had lunch. It was another great day!

On Sunday, we went to church. Colt lasted a good amount of time, but the extra-long Palm Sunday reading got the best of him, and I took the kids out to the car right before communion. After our usual iHop breakfast, the kids searched for Easter eggs before we hit the road.

I hope to go for another long weekend sometime during the summer.

Colt Buddy loved coloring Easter eggs!

Emma found it easier to just use her hands!

Everyone says this Easter bunny is creepy, but Colt wasn't afraid of him!

Goofy kids

This day ...

It continues to be one of the worst I've had in a while. I can't believe I have to wait another six and a half hours before I can get in some good sobs on my drive home.

At this point, I feel like if anyone has any bad news for me, just tell me today. Let's get it all done and over with so I can get over it all and have some really great days.

Dear Emma and Colt

I hope you don't remember this morning for very long. I never want you to look back and think of me throwing a piece of wood at the wall (well, it was more of a toss, but it definitely left a gnash in the wall). I am exhausted and overbooked and overwhelmed and, and, and ...

The point is that you are far too young to understand the toll the past four weeks have taken on me. You just know that I got frustrated and threw something. I'm sorry. It's unacceptable. The best I can do is try to never put myself in that situation again.

When I set out to achieve a master's degree three and half years ago, I wanted to be superwoman. No, that's not the reason I started, but I quickly realized how hard it was going to be and I went for it, any way.

People started to ask how I do it. How do I work, take care of family and go to school? Many people have looked at me in awe over the years, and I have relished it ... until this morning. The truth is that I can't do it all. No mom can. Yet our society makes everyone want to be that one person who has it all together. You know, the mom who prepares a perfect snack she found on Pinterest, who always has a clean home and happy kids. Well, I surrender. I can't do it all, and I don't want to ... not any more. I need to say no and not feel guilty, and I need to ask for help. It's that simple.

I want to be your mom first. I want you to remember reading books, playing baseball and basketball, making crafts, exploring our beautiful yard and going for walks. I don't want you to think, I don't have a lot of memories of playing with mom, but that's because she was working so hard.

Because really, who am I working for if that's the case?

I'm so sorry for this morning and for all of the times I have said no because I was too busy trying to please or impress someone else. In two weeks when I complete my degree, I will still be proud. It is a big deal because it was a dream of mine. I just failed by not asking for more help and internalizing most of my unhappiness and struggles.

I want you both to pursue your dreams, but not at any cost. I love you both dearly, and I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye this morning. I was pretty mortified after I realized just how out of control I had gotten.

Subtraction project - day 1

One of the blogs I follow is hosting a subtraction project. I signed up because I could certainly do with a little less in my life. Today was day 1, and the task was simple enough. Get rid of pens that no longer work. I also enjoyed the pen-testing method--writing words that make me feel good. In all honesty, I ran out of words is lightning speed. That was probably my biggest eye-opener of the day. I do not surround myself with positive thoughts and energy. Today is different. I now have fewer pens and more encouraging words to tackle the day. Learn more. http://cassjustcurious.com/