Blah!

Sometimes the right song to describe how you feel comes on the radio at just the right moment. That’s what happened as I drove home on Monday night trying to wrap my mind around the revelations that were revealed that morning. 

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that I’ll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face

Everyone is changing
there's no one left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

Other than the opening lyrics, the song doesn’t relate to why I was upset (or whatever emotion I was). I hate writing about how unhappy I feel because of my job. I have to figure out a way to center my focus on what’s really important, which is another reason I loved hearing this song. It reminded me of when Denny and I were dating. Those years might be some of my favorite. They might have even been magical. 

Shortly after the happiest moments of our lives—at the time—when Denny asked me to marry him, we climbed over some tall hurdles. Now, we’re on a smoother track, but those early hurdles certainly made us weary. I’m trying to gain my second wind—to re-motivate myself to go after what I want in the right ways. I’m trying to remember how to forget about any crappiness I feel from my job and to simply love Denny and my kids, and to covet my precious time with them.

In the end, I don’t want any success if it means I have sacrificed my integrity. I need to remember that in the fleeting moments when I feel walked-on, overlooked and underappreciated. I have some really fun updates to share, too. Sorry for the bleak one!