Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Pink eye

Is it possible for three-month old babies to roll their eyes? I think it is …

When I woke Emma up in the middle of the night to give her the eye drops to treat the Pink Eye she contracted; she was angry. She screamed and screamed. Immediately afterward, I nursed her to calm her down and I was telling her everything was okay. I swear looked at me with angry eyes and then rolled them as if to say, “Whatever, I hate you!”

Repeat scenario at 5 a.m. Poor baby!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I seriously ...

just want to flip off my computer screen every time I type something "wrong" into Google and it says, "Do you mean blah, blah, blah?" Like I'm a complete dumbass. Granted, sometimes I do misspell words or get phraes wrong, but not always. And shouldn't Google give its customers the benefit of the doubt?

I know I use sarcasm next to never on here, but hopefully anyone reading this knows I'm not really that upset.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Worst smells in the (motherhood)world

Spit up … that is on your left shoulder, which means you must change your shirt. This, of course, also means that you are risking dirtying another shirt because you just never know when another spit up attack will happen.

Also, formula-made bottle after it has been sitting too long. These smells are 10x worse than the dirtiest diaper I’ve changed so far.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Last night

It was the hardest so far … well minus the first two days after we brought you home from the hospital. I don’t count those days. You fell asleep (in your car seat) around 9:30 p.m. At some point, I heard you stir and I assumed it was 3 or 4 a.m.

The alarm clock said 11:22 p.m. I got you up and fed you for a while. You fell asleep and I tried to put you back down.

You weren’t having it. I had to hold you and hold you and hold you. We dozed for a little while with you on my chest and then around 3 a.m., you began wailing.

A little dazed, I got up and took you into your nursery. I unclogged your stuffy nose and even though you didn’t appreciate it, I know it helped. I also made you a bottle and at some point, your daddy got up to help. THIS MADE THE LACK OF SLEEP COMPLETELY BEARABLE.
He fed you. You fell asleep in his loving arms and then he suggested we lay you back down. I said, “Are you going to calm her back down when she starts crying again?”

It was at that point he proved me wrong. ME … your loving mother whose maternal instincts had been pretty dead-on prior to this moment.

I laid you down (in your car seat); placed the blanket across your legs and you slept like a sweet little angel. You never even kicked the blanket off!

I slept horribly for that hour and a half before my alarm went off. First, I panicked because I couldn’t hear your snotty breathing. Then I remembered that I had cleared your nasal passages. Then I had a nightmare … actually two. The first one, we were in church and for some reason all of your stuff was spread out in aisle and mass was about to start and your dad just walked away from the situation. I was horrified and completely at a loss for what to do.

In the other, you were very tiny and I had you in my pocket while I rode a bike. Somehow I ended up at the hospital, but you had fallen out somewhere along the way. I was panicking and trying to get someone to dial 911.

I have no idea what these dreams mean. All I know is I love you so much. I hate seeing you unhappy. I would be willing to give up all sleep if I never had to see you suffer again.
I am hoping your day goes better than your night. I love you, Emma Claire Bear Tison.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Cuddling

Early this morning you woke up around 4 a.m. I fed you and then laid you on my chest. You went back to sleep and I dozed on and off well past the time my alarm was supposed to go off. I was savoring every second of it. We used to cuddle like this daily. But after this morning, I realized it had been a while since we last shared time in this way and it made me sad.

You are growing up way too fast. You are the most bright-eyed, beautiful baby in the whole world and I am so lucky to not only know you, but to be your mommy. When there are several people in a room and I see you look for me, it completely melts my heart.

Thank you for giving the kind of love everyone should experience. I love you more and more each day, and every second I’m away from you, I am wishing I could hold you.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Month two

You are already accumulating a wide range of nicknames, mostly from me. Pumpkin, sweet pea, cutie pie, Emma Claire Bear … that’s my current fav.

I will probably say this every month, but I can’t believe how fast you are growing! You are so close to rolling over … just a little more and you would have it. Speaking of which, you continue to get stronger and stronger every day. You are starting to show an interest in some of your toys. I think your favorite is the doll from Grandma Spencer!

You experienced some more firsts this month. You attended your first wedding – my friend, Betsy got married in Kokomo, so you also got to visit your Grandma and Grandpa Spencer’s house for the first time. You did so great on both the car rides there and back.

You have also gotten to enjoy spending a lot of time with Grandma Bendele and Aunt Alicia. They have been taking great care of you since I returned to work. It makes me so sad to leave you each morning, but I am so comforted in knowing that you are well cared for and loved greatly.

We are looking forward to the next couple of months. Your daddy is going to start hunting soon, which will give us plenty of time to cuddle. And then the holiday season will be here before we know it. Your daddy and I are so excited to share our traditions with you and probably begin a few.

Though we’ve only known for two months, you have brought so much joy and love into our lives, and we are thankful for you!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Returning to work

I like to prove people wrong. That’s just the gut-wrenching truth. So the thought of returning to work and leaving Emma wasn’t hard for me … at first. Everyone told me it would be horrible and one of the most difficult things I would go through as a first-time mom, but I just nodded and thought, I’ll prove them wrong.

Well, they were right. Every single person who told me it would be hard and I would struggle with the decision and try to figure out a way (financially) to stay home with her was so dead on.
The first time I cried was five days before returning to work. I was alone with Emma waiting for Denny to get home and I just lost it. There were some serious sobs in this initial cry.

The morning I took her to Debbie’s, I was inside talking and cried, but only a little. Debbie was great. She knew I was about to lose it, so we changed the subject. Side note: I really appreciate it when people do that; I’m a very emotional person and I wish I could control my outbursts better, so it’s so nice when people recognize that.

The next time I cried was in front of three co-workers – they made the mistake of just talking about my sweet baby girl. The final time was around noon when I was talking to my supervisor. She let me leave two hours early, so maybe crying isn’t always all that bad.

I went home and held Emma for four straight hours. That seemed to do the trick. I want my daughter to feel protected, loved and well cared for … all of which can still be achieved without me quitting my job. I love Emma more than I ever knew possible, but I also love working – the feeling of accomplishment. We also need my income and the incredible health insurance my job provides.

I'm sure this will continue to be a daily struggle, but I am hoping it gets easier.