Christmas with a baby

Before Christmas, I had a pretty good grasp on the idea that everything is harder (and more fun) with a baby. Christmas confirmed this concept. What a crazy week!! But it was wonderful seeing family and friends, and showing off Emma.

I took three vacation days (Dec. 21-23), so I could enjoy a full two weeks with Denny and Emma. It ended up being more like extra time with Emma since Denny was off hunting or fishing every day, but that’s okay.

On the 23rd, my family came to our house so we could celebrate. It was perfect. Low key, mellow … just perfect! On Christmas Eve, we made breakfast and everyone just kind of sat around and chatted before my parents had to take off to be with my Grandma.

The rest of the day was a little busy. I wrapped presents for a good three hours! Then, when Denny got home, we decided to not go to mass because the roads were going to be bad and Emma was having an awful night. We tried to let her cry it out in her crib, but instead of the usual 10-15 minutes it takes her to fall asleep, she was still screaming after 30 minutes. I decided I just couldn’t do that to her. I ended up holding her all night while she slept and I dozed in and out of sleep.

Denny and I exchanged gifts that night. We both got each other GPSs. I got him a hand-held and he got me one for the car. I love it!!

On Christmas morning, we woke up and got ready. We helped Emma open the three presents we got her and then headed out to Dennis’ house. Much to our surprise, no one was awake! Hello … get up, get up, get up!! It’s Christmas! We had a great time over there opening presents and hanging out.

We then headed to Debbie’s. Another great visit; we ate, opened gifts, mopped up rain water. We then headed to Bill and Mary’s for the final celebration of the day. We ate some more and visited with Denny’s relatives. It was a great day, but super hard on little Emma.
The following day, we got up and drove to Bremen, Ind., for the Maenhout family Christmas. It was a lot smaller than normal, but pretty good. The ride home was a nightmare with a lot of snow and unplowed roads.

Emma got a ton of toys … she is one spoiled little girl! She will enjoy these toys as she gets a little older.

Pink eye

Is it possible for three-month old babies to roll their eyes? I think it is …

When I woke Emma up in the middle of the night to give her the eye drops to treat the Pink Eye she contracted; she was angry. She screamed and screamed. Immediately afterward, I nursed her to calm her down and I was telling her everything was okay. I swear looked at me with angry eyes and then rolled them as if to say, “Whatever, I hate you!”

Repeat scenario at 5 a.m. Poor baby!

I seriously ...

just want to flip off my computer screen every time I type something "wrong" into Google and it says, "Do you mean blah, blah, blah?" Like I'm a complete dumbass. Granted, sometimes I do misspell words or get phraes wrong, but not always. And shouldn't Google give its customers the benefit of the doubt?

I know I use sarcasm next to never on here, but hopefully anyone reading this knows I'm not really that upset.

Worst smells in the (motherhood)world

Spit up … that is on your left shoulder, which means you must change your shirt. This, of course, also means that you are risking dirtying another shirt because you just never know when another spit up attack will happen.

Also, formula-made bottle after it has been sitting too long. These smells are 10x worse than the dirtiest diaper I’ve changed so far.

Last night

It was the hardest so far … well minus the first two days after we brought you home from the hospital. I don’t count those days. You fell asleep (in your car seat) around 9:30 p.m. At some point, I heard you stir and I assumed it was 3 or 4 a.m.

The alarm clock said 11:22 p.m. I got you up and fed you for a while. You fell asleep and I tried to put you back down.

You weren’t having it. I had to hold you and hold you and hold you. We dozed for a little while with you on my chest and then around 3 a.m., you began wailing.

A little dazed, I got up and took you into your nursery. I unclogged your stuffy nose and even though you didn’t appreciate it, I know it helped. I also made you a bottle and at some point, your daddy got up to help. THIS MADE THE LACK OF SLEEP COMPLETELY BEARABLE.
He fed you. You fell asleep in his loving arms and then he suggested we lay you back down. I said, “Are you going to calm her back down when she starts crying again?”

It was at that point he proved me wrong. ME … your loving mother whose maternal instincts had been pretty dead-on prior to this moment.

I laid you down (in your car seat); placed the blanket across your legs and you slept like a sweet little angel. You never even kicked the blanket off!

I slept horribly for that hour and a half before my alarm went off. First, I panicked because I couldn’t hear your snotty breathing. Then I remembered that I had cleared your nasal passages. Then I had a nightmare … actually two. The first one, we were in church and for some reason all of your stuff was spread out in aisle and mass was about to start and your dad just walked away from the situation. I was horrified and completely at a loss for what to do.

In the other, you were very tiny and I had you in my pocket while I rode a bike. Somehow I ended up at the hospital, but you had fallen out somewhere along the way. I was panicking and trying to get someone to dial 911.

I have no idea what these dreams mean. All I know is I love you so much. I hate seeing you unhappy. I would be willing to give up all sleep if I never had to see you suffer again.
I am hoping your day goes better than your night. I love you, Emma Claire Bear Tison.

Cuddling

Early this morning you woke up around 4 a.m. I fed you and then laid you on my chest. You went back to sleep and I dozed on and off well past the time my alarm was supposed to go off. I was savoring every second of it. We used to cuddle like this daily. But after this morning, I realized it had been a while since we last shared time in this way and it made me sad.

You are growing up way too fast. You are the most bright-eyed, beautiful baby in the whole world and I am so lucky to not only know you, but to be your mommy. When there are several people in a room and I see you look for me, it completely melts my heart.

Thank you for giving the kind of love everyone should experience. I love you more and more each day, and every second I’m away from you, I am wishing I could hold you.

Month two

You are already accumulating a wide range of nicknames, mostly from me. Pumpkin, sweet pea, cutie pie, Emma Claire Bear … that’s my current fav.

I will probably say this every month, but I can’t believe how fast you are growing! You are so close to rolling over … just a little more and you would have it. Speaking of which, you continue to get stronger and stronger every day. You are starting to show an interest in some of your toys. I think your favorite is the doll from Grandma Spencer!

You experienced some more firsts this month. You attended your first wedding – my friend, Betsy got married in Kokomo, so you also got to visit your Grandma and Grandpa Spencer’s house for the first time. You did so great on both the car rides there and back.

You have also gotten to enjoy spending a lot of time with Grandma Bendele and Aunt Alicia. They have been taking great care of you since I returned to work. It makes me so sad to leave you each morning, but I am so comforted in knowing that you are well cared for and loved greatly.

We are looking forward to the next couple of months. Your daddy is going to start hunting soon, which will give us plenty of time to cuddle. And then the holiday season will be here before we know it. Your daddy and I are so excited to share our traditions with you and probably begin a few.

Though we’ve only known for two months, you have brought so much joy and love into our lives, and we are thankful for you!

Returning to work

I like to prove people wrong. That’s just the gut-wrenching truth. So the thought of returning to work and leaving Emma wasn’t hard for me … at first. Everyone told me it would be horrible and one of the most difficult things I would go through as a first-time mom, but I just nodded and thought, I’ll prove them wrong.

Well, they were right. Every single person who told me it would be hard and I would struggle with the decision and try to figure out a way (financially) to stay home with her was so dead on.
The first time I cried was five days before returning to work. I was alone with Emma waiting for Denny to get home and I just lost it. There were some serious sobs in this initial cry.

The morning I took her to Debbie’s, I was inside talking and cried, but only a little. Debbie was great. She knew I was about to lose it, so we changed the subject. Side note: I really appreciate it when people do that; I’m a very emotional person and I wish I could control my outbursts better, so it’s so nice when people recognize that.

The next time I cried was in front of three co-workers – they made the mistake of just talking about my sweet baby girl. The final time was around noon when I was talking to my supervisor. She let me leave two hours early, so maybe crying isn’t always all that bad.

I went home and held Emma for four straight hours. That seemed to do the trick. I want my daughter to feel protected, loved and well cared for … all of which can still be achieved without me quitting my job. I love Emma more than I ever knew possible, but I also love working – the feeling of accomplishment. We also need my income and the incredible health insurance my job provides.

I'm sure this will continue to be a daily struggle, but I am hoping it gets easier.

Emma’s first month

It’s hard to believe a month has already passed! Emma is such a little sweetie.

• She loves to cuddle
• Holds her head up really well
• Does okay with tummy time for a little bit
• She doesn’t cry through bath time anymore … only when we take her out of the tub!
• Sleeps a good five-six hours most nights
• Seems to be growing at an alarming rate
  

She experienced a lot of firsts (of course!):

• Doctor's visit at one week - she did wonderful and everything checked out great!
• Watched Daddy play softball at Waldron
• Mini road trip to visit Great-Grandma Maenhout
• Went shopping and out to eat
• Went to church

I love her so much! She is just such a good baby … she does know how to let us know when she isn’t happy, though! She has a great set of lungs and gets a little impatient if she has to wait to eat. I love her to pieces and I’m trying to soak up every moment I have with her!

Emma's birth

I don’t really think I will ever forget this experience, but just in case, below is the story detailing how Emma Claire Tison entered the world.

Tuesday, Aug. 18 - I woke up at 3:30 a.m. to use the bathroom. I realized I was having contractions, which made me so happy! I was already three days past my due date. I decided to watch some TV and time the contractions. They became fairly regular, but not super painful. I decided to take a shower before Denny woke up for work around 5 a.m.

When Denny stumbled into the living room, I told him I was having contractions. We decided he should stay home with me just in case. We went about our early morning … breakfast, Sportscenter, I even folded some of the baby’s laundry (at this point we still had not decided between Sadie Mae and Emma Claire).

Around 8:30 a.m., we decided to head to the hospital. I checked in and they hooked me up to the monitor. My contractions were about six minutes apart, but I was only dilated one centimeter. After an hour or two, they had me walk around. We also went and grabbed Subway during this break. I came back to the hospital after an hour, they checked me again. I had not made any progress so they sent me home. I was disappointed to say the least.

I tried to sleep when we got home, but I was not able to sleep through the contractions. We called our families … well, I only called Jenny because I didn’t really want to tell anyone until I was admitted to the hospital, but she had figured out that I wasn’t at work by this time.

My contractions began to get more intense, but not any closer together. By about 5:30 p.m., I was in some pain. I called the hospital and they advised me to come in. We got there around 6:30 p.m. and I was dilated 1.5-2 centimeters, so they admitted me!! I was so relieved.
The contractions were pretty painful, but I couldn’t receive an epidural until I was dilated four centimeters, so I tried walking, sitting, even soaking in the whirlpool tub, but nothing seemed to help.

Friday, Aug. 19 – 12 a.m. – 2 a.m. – The contractions continued. Finally at two, I called the nurse and asked her to check me gain. I was FINALLY at four centimeters. Once I got the epidural, I was so happy and relieved!! I slept for two hours.

The nurse came in around 4 a.m. to tell me they were going to break my water and give me some pitocin.

It was around this time that we finally made the decision on her name. Denny actually just let me decide.

The contractions returned and it seemed like in no time I was ready to push. I pushed for an hour and 15 minutes. The doctor came in and performed the episiotomy. Emma seemed to come out in a huge gush and I felt instant relief.

She was beautiful from the very beginning. I was so astounded by her beauty … even the nurses said she was beautiful! She weighed 8 lbs, 1 oz, and measured 21 inches. Her birth time was 6:52 a.m. Jenny was waiting at the hospital when she was born and Debbie arrived very shortly afterward. I nursed her right away and then the nurses whisked her away to give her a bath before Jenny could hold her!

That day was amazing. Debbie stayed for a little while and then we had a break before the influx of visitors. Alicia came in the early afternoon and then there was a steady stream – Grandpa Tison, Grandma Spencer, Jeremy, Jenny and Aaron, Dawn and Lance, Travis and Chad.

We left the hospital on Friday around noon. The next couple of days are a blur of sleeplessness and emotion. We felt very blessed from the beginning and continue to be in awe of our perfect little girl!

She's here!

Emma Claire Tison arrived at 6:52 a.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 19. She weighed 8 lbs, 1 oz and measured 21 inches. She is beautiful!

Thoughts on parenting

As the weeks—and more likely—days pass by, I find myself most worried about the longstanding effects I will have on my baby girl. Not about making sure she is fed, bathed, diapered and safe, but how will my words and actions affect her as she grows up.

I can probably mostly blame my extreme sensitivity on this … I mean I can remember things that those who love me most said to me when I was very young that really hurt (and I don’t mean hateful comments or anything … just words spoken out of frustration). How do I protect her from that same hurt? How will I be able to ensure that she knows how much I love her when life gets the best of me; when I lose my temper because of dumb things; when life just seems overwhelming?

Like in Juno, where her dad tells her he thought she was smarter than that … his disapproval really hurt her and she was a teenager… and fictional at that.

She’s not even here yet and I find myself already thinking about how I need to make better financial decisions so I can give her the best of everything—very materialistic, I know … but do children really grasp why their friends have better things than them? I just want her to be happy at any cost.

I guess I just have to love her unconditionally and demonstrate the true value of love. And when I make one mistake, I have to brush it aside and try better. I just want to be a good mom—no; the best mom. And of course, I want Denny to be the best dad, but I’m not as worried about him … he’s pretty great at loving people unconditionally … I mean, he married me, right?

Michigan shower

This past weekend was wonderful ... and exhausting! My mom came in on Thursday and we had a great night. We watched Jenny play softball, went out to eat and even played Mario Cart on the Wii.

On Friday, Mom and I ran some errands in the morning and got back in time for the TV repair guy to come. We started cleaning ... when I say "we," I really mean Mom. She was great ... cleaning the bathrooms and everything. Then Jeremy came over and helped me get the basement in order. I was astonished by how much we accomplished!

Saturday was my Michigan shower and it was wonderful! So many people came and truly spoiled us with presents. It was so amazing to see all my friends and Denny's family. Debbie and Alicia did such a great job and I am so thankful to them.

After the shower, Mom, Jenny and I headed to Marshall to eat dinner with Jeremy and listen to a little music in the downtown area. Mom left pretty early on Sunday and Denny and I just took it easy all day - that was the first time in weeks that we have done that and it was glorious!

Exhausted

Moving into a new home late in pregnancy really is crazy … and not just for me … Denny has had to work overtime to accomplish things I can’t help with … like painting everything! He has done an amazing job and is almost done … I lost count of how many cans of paint we purchased, but I think it was around 15 … seriously, it may have been more! Anyway, we are getting closer to returning to normalcy … one downer … the bulb in our TV went out on Saturday morning.

Literally the day after DISH came to install HD for us … we have to wait until Friday to get it back up and running. So no All-Star game viewing in HD … at least it’s covered by our warranty!

My mom is coming on Thursday and I can’t wait! I want to get a lot accomplished before she comes, but she is practically begging me to let her help clean, so I will probably take her up on it!
We have to make a big push to have the house presentable by Saturday because Debbie and Alicia are throwing me a baby shower and we really want everyone to be able to see the new place. I really don’t know how we will accomplish this, but we’ll do the best we can.

Indiana weekend

We traveled to Indiana the last weekend in June. After a slow start due to Denny’s truck breaking down on his way home from work, we eventually made it and only about an hour later than what we had originally planned. As I pulled up to my parent’s home, I saw Bobby playing outside and my heart swelled with bliss. I have the cutest nephew and niece!

On Saturday we mostly just hung out … watched Bobby play in the pool, played hillbilly golf, went to church, out to eat and then came home and played with water balloons. It was one of the best days I can remember in some time! Just a fun time with the entire family!

Early on Sunday morning, I woke up because my back was killing me. Mom, Jeremy, Jenny and Riley were all awake and hanging out in the living room. Jeremy eventually fell asleep, Jenny went to take a shower, I was dozing off on the couch and my mom had gotten sweet little Riley to fall back asleep. She asked me to take her so she could get back to work in the kitchen. Riley and I slept on the couch for quite a while … it was so sweet! And while she was laying on me, Baby Tison started kicking like never before … it was so amazing! Then when Joe, Kelly and Bobby got up, Bobby wanted to sit by me, too. So sweet … I love those kids!!

After a slow morning, the day went fast – too fast! I got so many nice things at the shower and I got to see some friends I had not seen in ages and all the relatives. It was fun to watch the little ones play together. Denny and I had to leave early so we could get back and he could find a vehicle to borrow, but it was just an amazing weekend. I can’t wait until we are all able to get together again!

An update

I suck at blogging. I really, really do want to get better, though. Since I posted last, so much has changed! It makes me sad that I didn’t write about it. Here is my attempt to chronicle the past couple of months.

Most of May – waiting to hear if our home loan went through … it was a little scary for a few reasons, but mostly because Denny has been a victim of identity theft in the past.

May 27 – Around 5 p.m. we got a call from the bank to say that everything was approved and we would close as soon as possible.

June 3 – We signed and signed and signed … and got the keys to our new home! That process amazed me … such a big commitment, but I think we did the right thing! We met the friends of the previous owner (who are taking care of the estate); they are such a cute, older couple. The woman said she was so happy to see a young couple like us get the home. We went to the home that night. Denny started painting; Jenny and I started to tear down wallpaper.

June 6 – We left for our annual camping/fishing vacation in northern Michigan. I was miserable on the way up. I had a cold that Denny had passed to me and I just couldn’t get comfortable in the car. I was 30 weeks pregnant, which didn’t help. To top it off, it turned from bright and sunny to cold and rainy by the time we got up north.

June 7-9 – The weather was awful – rain and cold, but the fishing was great! Denny caught a monster and actually everyone ended up catching at least one big fish. We also slept great in the truck camper and just had a good time with most of Denny’s family.

June 10-12 – Continued the vacation and it got much better and more enjoyable, but the new home that needed so much work continued to loom in our minds. We decided to cut the trip short and head back to work on our home.

June 13-20 – Our days were mixed with work and working on the house. Denny painted most of the house and we tried to prepare to move. We also had great help from Dennis, Karen, Travis and Chad during this time!

Also, at my 32-week appointment, the doctor said the baby’s head was down and she probably weighed around four pounds. Everything seems great! I definitely feel bigger … it’s much harder to get up and my feet are swollen. Otherwise, I feel pretty good. I haven’t been sleeping long hours even when I can sleep in, but I have been getting rest.

June 21 – We moved all the big stuff with the help of many – Jenny, Aaron, Collin, Alicia, Luke, Travis and Chad! We still have a very long way to go, but we’re getting there.

Last night we slept in the new house for the first time. It was different, but good! We’re so happy to have a place that is truly ours! Now we just need to completely finish the move and get ready for this baby!

House shopping

With all this baby talk, it's easy for me to forget other exciting news in our lives. This past week we put in a bid on a house ... they countered ... we countered ... they countered and today we agreed! So if all goes well, we should close before the end of May! I'm still in shock and so happy that this worked in our favor ... it's just such a great time to buy right now with the low interest rates and the huge tax rebate!

24 weeks

Time is flying! I can't believe how fast this second trimester is going. I still feel great ... I've been eating like a hog and the scale is starting to reflect it! I really need to break down and buy some more maternity clothes ... especially camis. All of my tank tops keep coming up over my stomach (of course I'm wearing shirts on top of them!) and it's so frustrating. I just hate spending money on clothes I will use for such a short period of time. Oh well!

I have been feeling our little girl move around more and I love it! Even when it's 3 or 4 in the morning ... it's a relief to know she is moving ... especially considering that I always wake up on my back. I just can't sleep well on my side, but I really do fall asleep that way!

Pink it is!

The ultrasound went very well ... once we finally got called back! I left work especially early today to pick up Denny and then we headed into Jackson to get a late lunch before the appointment. We ate at Subway and ended with a lot of extra time on our hands. No biggie ... we just waited in the car and I drank the 32 ounces of water an hour before the appointment. We went into the office early ... just in case we could get in early. Yeah right! They kept calling everyone's name in the waiting room except mine, which wouldn't have been a big deal except for all the water I had consumed. I was beginning to get really uncomfortable and finally they called my name ... it was only 30 minutes after my scheduled time, but that's a long time when you have to wait to pee!

Anyway, the lady was so nice and apologetic ... there was no way I could be mad ... she's very busy!

We got started. She asked us if we wanted to know ... YES! She asked if I had a feeling one way. I told her I thought it was a girl and she said I was probably right then. She then proceeded to get our little darling on the screen and immediately told us the news ... it's a girl! I was in awe ... she's so amazing already! She kept waving her hand. I'm so in love with this little girl! And she was healthy and everything seems to be going well. We got a lot of great photos.

Boy or girl?

April 3 is the day we find out!

Halfway today

It's hard to believe, but today marks the halfway mark. I've been feeling so much better the past several weeks. Now I can finally understand why people have more than one child!

Complete slacker

I feel like I've missed days and days; no weeks and weeks of work and life in general. I have been SICK ... I've had a lot of days when I have questioned why anyone would put themselves through this type of torture. I've begged this sweet little baby to stop making me so sick, and mostly I've laid on the couch a lot.

All that to say, I am hoping the sickness has passed for good. I need some relief ... I need to go to work and get things accomplished. I need to get out of the house on the weekends. I need to exercise. I just need to do something besides throwing up and laying down!

Today has been pretty low key. We drove around looking at houses ... then went to eat at Gilbert's ... it was my first time there. Not too bad; I still prefer Outback steaks, though! It was just a nice day to spend with Denny. Here's a photo of me today ... 16 weeks!

Baby Tison

While the past couple days have been hard, I feel incredibly blessed. The ultrasound showed that the baby is healthy ... the tech said she didn't really see anything that indicated why had spotting, so I guess that's good! Even though I was so, so scared, I got to see my sweet baby and it was amazing! I never really thought much about ultrasound picture before ... they kind of looked the same to me. But when that baby is yours, it's so amazing! Baby Tison is adorable ... I'm so relieved and completely exhausted!

Here is the first glimpse of our sweet baby!

Scared to death

I’m a day away from being 10 weeks and I’m hours away from finding out if everything is okay. I started spotting yesterday and even though it was very little, it was accompanied by cramps. I called the doctor and they immediately scheduled an ultrasound, which ended up scaring me even more. I really, really want everything to be okay, but mostly I just want to be okay with whatever happens.